Showing posts with label Anti-Bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anti-Bullying. Show all posts

2017-03-05

Interview with anti-bullying activist Manwar Khan - Don't be a bystander



                                          Interview with anti-bullying activist Manwar Khan (YouTube Video)

  I had the pleasure of interviewing anti-bullying activist and advocate, Manwar Khan.

  Manwar, 37 felt the urgent need to initiate his, 'Don't be a bystander' campaign rallies across the province of Alberta soon after trying in vain to intervene and stop the 2012, December 28th deadly beating of John Hollar ,29 on the Edmonton LRT by Jeremy Newborn, 32.

  During the incident, Manwar had called on bystanders on the train to intervene and help him stop the beating with no success. His last resort was to pull the alarm on the train notifying LRT authorities of the deadly situation.

  As a result, Manwar was recognized as a hero for his actions on that day by the local media.

  During the interview, Manwar proposed the following questions which would allow him to present his best insights to the bystander problem.

  Manwar believes that bystanders have the powerful potential to stop bullying when it occurs. And his message is a simple one - do not be a bystander, speak up, get help. His purpose is one of spreading awareness of this message.

  The bystander problem is especially pervasive in countless incidents of High-School bullying across North America. When bystanders silently watch bullying occur they are not protesting the injustice but rather their silence sends a strong message that they approve of the bullying (whether intentional or not). This reality can be summed up best by the following quote,"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

  Manwar does not suggest that we alone courageously put ourselves at risk by joining a fight that we witness. The fear of becoming involved in the bullying, and thus becoming bullied is one that lead too many bystanders to not intervene. But the problem occurs when the number of bystanders far out number the bully and thus the bullying can be immediately stopped, but it is not stopped.

  Too many times crowds of people fail to realize their power in being united to stop violence because individually they are all too scared to be the one to initiate action.

  Other times, bystanders justify their inaction thinking, 'it's not my business', 'maybe they deserve it', 'I don't know enough to intervene', 'I don't want to take the wrong side.'

  But the goal should not be one of judgement, it should be one of stopping the violence from occurring. We can still call the police on our cell phones, or ask others to help report it or stop the violence from continuing on.

  We need to be the example we wish to see in others if we were to be the ones unjustly being hurt by someone. What would we as individuals want others to do if someone was beating us, and dozens of people witnessed our demise? What if it were one of our loved ones in the same situation; our children, our brothers and sisters, our friends?

  And we also need to consider how would it affect us personaly if we could have save a human life, and we simply did nothing? 

  I believe there needs to be more awareness met with much discussion and dialogue. The bystander problem is a complex one that needs to be addressed with constructive criticism, and debate concerning proposed solutions.

Whether or not you agree if what I have had to say, the fact is doing nothing is not a solution to the bullying problem.












Darryl Learie

 
 

 
 

2016-05-26

Dignity and Respect (An Anti-Bullying Speech)



DIGNITY and RESPECT

It was his destiny to be born hundreds of generations down the line of life from Adam and Eve. Born one thousand, nine hundred and seventy‑three years after the birth of Christ himself. On the event of his birth, the three wise men were not there to bring precious gifts. But God himself still saw promise in this spark of life.

At the age of ten he would calmly stand in the house of his grandparents as it was slowly being torn apart from a fierce hurricane, reassuring everyone "it will be alright". He would stand witness to his mother speak of suicide. Haunted by such news he would repeatedly tell her "please, don’t do it”. He had an unlimited curiosity about the world around him. Indulging in his natural curiosity he spent his time excitedly taking apart t.v’s, radios, vcr's and some of his own toys to see how they worked.

Soon he learned of great leaders who changed the world and started from humble beginnings. Realizing that even he could, if he really wanted to, carry great potential. Rather bored by school itself, he would spend his day dreaming of how one day he would change the world in some awesome, profound way.

Unfortunately, the French revolution, the multiplication table, conjunctions and adjectives, just did not fall into his great plan to conquer all evils of the world. As a result his marks fell dangerously low, prompting his father to ingrain the belief in him that, "if you're not successful in school, you’ll never be successful in life".

Throughout his school life he would be going to many different schools across the country. Always being forced into the eerie situation of negotiating a new set of friends. Always being the new kid.

Soon after he turned sixteen his parents were finalizing a devastating divorce Consequently his mother promised him that his high school years would be in the country and that they would no longer move.

He greatly anticipated his high school life, remembering stories of d friends, have a good time and get good marks. Maybe even move onto college or even university. All of his life's potential seemed to rest on these last three years of high school life. This was his chance to be truly successful just as his father had ingrained in his mind.

Fate would very soon turn a very ugly face to him, for his inhibitions would do him no favors. Even though he was most motivated to make a legend out of his life. He was quiet, shy, easily intimidated and had a slight fear of large crowds.

And so on September First, nineteen ninety‑one his ugly fate quickly unfolded. He went on to do as he always had done, try to negotiate a new set of friends. Although he sensed something quite odd. It seemed that every time he tried to introduce himself, people seemed cold and uninterested. He thought to himself "there's over a thousand people in this school, is it possible that I have nothing in common with anyone?”And weeks started going by and there he was still alone with no friends. He had started feeling quite concerned. This had never happened to him before.

The situation only perpetuated itself, in the course of his classes the teacher would often say,” okay everyone split into groups”. And so the class would split into groups of three or four and often he would be left standing alone, faced with the embarrassment of being intentionally singled out.

He would in the course of his humility only hope the teacher would quickly assign him to any group to end his discomfort at the situation. But time and time again, history would repeat itself.

Every time the frightening words came,” okay split into groups”. There He would be once again standing by himself. His heart pounding hard, sweating and an uncontrollable blush that would cover his face with a bright red complextion.At times he tried to anticipate his move asking, "can I join your group?”But the words replied were usually quite harsh, "I don't want that goof in my group”

As months slowly dragged by he developed a fearful complex. He prayed every day to God before school, that in all of his classes in the day the teacher won't ask the class to split into groups.

The lunch bell ringing always brought a sense of relief to his worries at least for an hour. Too many times he found himself eating alone in the lunch room. So he would walk around asking others,” do you mind if I eat here?”The common reply would be "no, my friend is sitting here ", then they would laugh. He did find a group of people that didn't reject him at the lunch room table they just ignored him. And to him that was a better trade‑off.

So for the most part he would go to the library and read books. He noticed the library had chess games. He would set up the chess board and invite people to play against him. His hopes were that he could stir up a conversation throughout the game and maybe make a friend. He did manage to make two friends unfortunately neither was in his grade so it had no effect on his overall status.

His social situation still looked quite dreadful. He kept trying to build friendships with others over chess but as it would seem that he would make another friend, others would approach that person to deter them with throbbing statements like,” don’t hang with him, he’s a nerd nobody likes him "

It was severely disturbing to him that other people would almost anything to deter others from being his friend.

"These are my high school years they are supposed to be my best years”. This ideal he so much anticipated was smashed, obliterated utterly destroyed beyond comprehension.

The utter ugliness of the situation was only reinforced as people would approach him in the halls to remind him of his lowly status,” nerd, goof, faggot, loser “, and whatever other harsh label they put on him.

They even went to the extreme of spreading ridiculous rumors about him and constantly threatening him.

He found himself with no choice but to accept his ugly reality,” nobody likes me ".He realized that he was, what nobody wanted to be, 'the social outcast’.

He tried to escape his painful reality by skipping school and taking up dancing. Hip Hop and Break d thrilling thing a person could do, he thought.

Skipping school and working on dance moves soon became a habit in itself. This became a way of life to him but the situation only worsened. On the days when he did catch the school bus to go to school he would take his seat for the forty‑minute ride. The other people on the bus took the opportunity of throwing things at him, pennies, pencils, books and sometimes they would even spit on him. The pressure was building and because of all the school he had skipped his marks were dangerously low.

When school finished for the day he would be at home contemplating his pathetic existence, to take his mind off it since it was becoming unbearable he started doing push‑ups.

And so after school he would faithfully do his push‑ups in whatever sets he could handle. And of course practicing his dancing. Now his only pleasure was his push‑ups, wich he was getting better at, and his dancing.

Just after his eighteenth birthday he started going to night clubs to dance, this gave rise to a most ugly dilemma. Now he had his mother and the school authorities who insisted he did not miss school to deal with, and if he went to school he would have to deal with the students who worked at their popularity at his expense, making fun and jokes about him was the new fad.

After almost two years of this horrid situation he made his decision,” not to attend school, until they put him into another school”. For there seemed to be no resolution to his problem, at this point whenever he stuck up for himself, the threats against him only got worse.

But this was not the end of his efforts for in the last months he danced in school, sometimes he even went to school dances but was always laughed at and mocked. At one time he even asked a newly formed dance crew at school if he could join and was rejected with "you're a loser".

His last efforts did not end there for he had quite a natural gift for drawing. In exhibiting his gift for drawing to win people's approval they often seemed jealous and accused him of paying others to have drawn it for him.

Fortunately they did transfer him to another school where to his benefit there were only two months until summer. Though not enough time for history to repeat itself.

So as summer kicked in he became convinced in every which way that no matter how true to himself he was, nobody would like him. It was his reality that people did not like who he was as a person. I mean let's consider, day after day, week after week, month after month, people went out of their way to tell him,” you’re a loser, you’re a nerd, you’re a goof”.


So he contemplated his future where he would always be pushed around or stepped on and of course single all of his life. He did not want that kind of life so he decided maybe he could win people's approval by being really good at something.

His‑first obsession was his push‑ups. He kept track and started breaking all sorts of obscure push‑up records. Night after night he would try to do more than he did the night before. When he went dancing at the night clubs he would practice his moves over and over. Constantly asking other good dancers,” how do you do that?”

However to his dismay he had no talent for dancing and absolutely no rhythm. And yet his easy going humbled nature and his passionate love for dance aroused an enthusiastic approval from those in the night clubs. This new‑found approval stirred feelings within him. He decided that he would not live up to this negative image given to him in school. He would not be the wimpy, goofy nerd that he was unjustly labeled as. So he religiously practiced his dancing, and did what ever he could to build friendships with other good dancers. And every time he danced he would ask others "did I do good?”But his progress in dancing was quite slow.

After some time the real world showed him more affection than he ever had in school. Out of this and his new‑found approval grew within him a certain kind of anguish towards his past in school.

He started to look for opportunities to show those from his past that he was not a wimpy goofy nerd. His so‑called potential and enthusiasm granted him this opportunity.

He joined an inner city dance crew "The Magoo Crew”. The leader "Mr. Magoo” believed he had potential. In a short time now being "Dancer Magoo" he danced with the others on a first‑time television show,” Dance TV”. In that occasion he felt exhilarated dancing on Channel 1O.And helping his crew bring home second place in a hip hop, rap contest.

Even though he only had five minutes of fame, he thought it was absolutely the sweetest revenge one could have.

After some time his name was mentioned in a newspaper article about The Magoo Crew. This time as “Nine Nine Nine Magoo”. Not to mention a group picture of The Magoo Crew appeared in the Edmonton Journal.

And by no means was he even the best dancer but it was sweet. And to top it off he even got to be the Edmonton Sunshine Boy.

But he still kept at his push‑ups and started writing letters to Guinness. He figured if his name was in the book of world records that would be awesome revenge.

He wrote dozens of letters, with no replies until one day. Charles Servizio, who did 46,001 push‑ups in a single day, wrote him a letter.

Servizio said he was touched by the letter he received which was about doing a twelve hour push‑up marathon to raise money for charity. From that point on they would speak many times over the phone.

The record holder told him that he had heart and definitely had the potential to one day set a new record. And so doing his push‑ups became serious to him.

He pursued his hopeful ideology with personal dance demo's and updating his records until he reached the age of 25 years.

Once‑again this hopeful ideology of revenge by out‑doing those who mocked and betrayed him was smashed.

The anger within him was hurting too much, the revenge was not satisfying. He was still haunted by his past; the horror was still with him. He even had nightmares of being in class not being able to understand the teacher then the students would start to beat him with bats.

He started to realize that he had not seen those who haunted him in school for a long time. He started thinking,” What if, they never saw me in the paper or on television?”, “Who even reads the paper?” he thought.

He would always have hoped to resolve his own issue. After all they stole a piece of him, that he never could get back. His dignity and respect. How could he ever resolve his issue if he could never confront those who betrayed and wronged him?

He quickly realized dancing is just dancing. And who cares how many push‑ups one could do?

It was evident from his nightmares that when forced into a social situation, failure was his inevitable fate. Depression hit him hard, his reality now,” to be or not to be ".He decided "not to be”. He brought himself to the bravest moment of his life; He knew that there would be no turning back. He grabbed the pills, his heart pounding, his hands sweating and shaking. He swallowed all of them.

He slowly fell asleep, now God himself with the last word would decide if there was any point.

The story I told is the true story of my very best friend, a person who loves me more than anything in this world. And he is here today standing on this podium. Speaking to you.

Thank you
by: Darryl Learie 
Edited and Co-Authored by, John Thompson (Professor of English, University of Alberta) 

September 30 1998





2016-04-28

My Letters to Dr.Phil - Bullying



Quick Statistics as of 2017 02 11
Pages mailed to the Dr.Phil Show : 88
E-mails sent to the Dr.Phil Show : 64
YouTube Videos Published to get Dr.Phil's Attention : 7
Petition to get unto the Dr.Phil : 56 Signatures

Current Status : Awaiting response from the Dr.Phil Show 

Introduction

  From 2016 04 17 to 2017 02 11, I have written 64 e-mails to the Dr.Phil show. And on 2016 06 01, I also sent Dr.Phil a 46 page letter. (To view the 46 page letter mailed to Dr.Phil click the link below)

 46 page letter mailed to Dr.Phil

 46 page letter mailed to Dr.Phil

  And just to demonstrate to Dr.Phil just how determined I was to be on the Dr.Phil show, I shot a YouTube video on 2016 05 07 of myself holding a sign that read,"Please Dr.Phil, please let me share my story of being bullied, on your show #Stop Bullying." I stood and held the sign for 3.5 hours starting with 100 lbs on my back, and eventually stepping down the weight to 75 lbs, than 50 lbs.

                                         Most Determined to Get Dr.Phil's Attention (YouTube Video)

  Alas, On 2016 06 18, I also started an on-line petition asking for people to support me in sharing my bullying story on the Dr.Phil Show. I personally messaged all 250 of my Facebook and Twitter friends asking them to sign my petition or at least share my petition on their Facebook. By 2016 07 06, I received, 56 signatures. That's 56 people who support what I am doing, who believe in what I am doing.

  You can sign the petition in the form below. You can even sign it anonymously (your name will not be publicly revealed). The Petition will ask for your e-mail - only to conform that your not a spam-bot, your e-mail will not be made public, and you will not end up on any mailing lists

Below is the link to the petition;

Petition - Support me my sharing my bullying story on The Dr.Phil Show

  And below is another is anti-bullying video posted 2016 06 21 meant to get Dr.Phil's attention, aptly named,'My Journey to The Dr.Phil Show.'

                                         My Journey to The Dr.Phil Show (YouTube Video)

  On 2016 06 27, my petition (with 50 signatures) with a 5 page letter was mailed to the Dr.Phil show. You can view the petition, and the 5 page letter by clicking on the link below.

  Petition (50 signatures) with 5 page letter mailed to Dr.Phil

  On 2016 08 24, I created yet another YouTube video meant to get Dr.Phil's attention. The video was named,"Attention Dr.Phil - An Excellent Discussion on Bullying Solutions." The video was meant to show Dr.Phil that I also have solutions to the bullying problem.

                                          Attention Dr.Phil - An Excellent Discussion on Bullying Solutions (YouTube Video)

  2016 08 28, I decided to shoot another YouTube video personally addressing Dr.Phil. The video was aptly named,"My personal message to Dr.Phil McGraw - The high cost of bullying."

My personal message to Dr.Phil McGraw - The high cost of bullying (YouTube Video)

  On 2016 09 01, I even wished Dr.Phil Phil a happy 66th Birthday. I thought the extra effort of making a YouTube video wishing him a happy birthday was a nice sentiment.

 
  Happy Birthday Dr.Phil McGraw - Happy 66th Birthday (YouTube Video)

   On 2016 12 02, I published another YouTube Video aptly named, "A criticism for Dr.Phil to strongly consider". I was feeling upset that I had written 46 e-mails to the show, and have not received a single response. However controversial, I criticized the Dr.Phil Show on behalf of all those desperate souls writing the show over and over again and receiving no response. It seemed to me that the process of it all causes un-necessary anguish among the many who will never get unto the show.

                                      A criticism for Dr.Phil to Strongly Consider (YouTube Video)

 On 2016 12 13, I sent the Dr.Phil show a 37 page letter. 34 pages of that letter were a copy of all of the 50-emails I had sent to the show through the Dr.Phil website.

37 Page Letter Mailed to Dr.Phil (no need to show 34 pages that were a copy of e-mails sent)

                                           37 page letter mailed to the Dr.Phil Show

 I am hoping to get on as a guest to share my story of being bullied from grade 9 to 12, and how the negative consequences of such has affected me long into my adult life. 

  I am hoping to either be interviewed by Dr.Phil on my experience or have a chance to give an anti-bullying speech on his show. 

  The reason I want to share my story on Dr.Phil is because I have encountered much apathy and a general lack of interest sharing my story with schools, principles, school trustees, local media, on YouTube, and even within my own blog. 

  I've worked hard on sharing my story, presenting my story, spending hours rewriting while sipping on cold cups of coffee, and getting friends to criticize and help re-edit the perfect presentation. I've even spent a couple hundred dollars of my own monies to try to help promote the sharing of my story on my ant-bullying videos on YouTube.

  My basic premise is this; I want the world to know that bullying can lead to damaging effects on a person's life long into their adult years - changing who they are, forever destroying their self concept, and result in mental health issues. 

  Below are my e-mails to the Dr.Phil website (The website only allows e-mails of 250 words or less) - they explain quite a bit. I will not give up.

2016-04-04

Will Ellen DeGeneres make my dream come true ?




  Ellen is making dreams come true. On her website she asks, "Do you want Ellen to make your dreams come true?"  Yes, I do have a dream.  It is not to go on a tropical vacation, nor a chance to win cash or a chance to meet my favorite celebrity. 

  My dream requires no more than a stage, with ears willing to hear my story of survival. 

  My story is one of being relentlessly bullied throughout my high school years.  

  The reason I want to share my story is because I know intimately of the consequences to the victim when bullying gets out of control. When bullying gets out of control, victims can find themselves ostracized from an entire school. 

  When this happens a pecking order arises where others humiliate the victim to quickly and firmly establish their own social status. Bystanders, and bullies alike cease to have empathy for the victim as they become targets for public shaming, and ridicule. The victim is no longer perceived as a human being deserving of respect. 

  As a result they become threatened on a daily basis. I was told multiple times that I should seriously consider suicide because no one likes me.

  Many of those who endure this degree of hatred fail their education, and become high school drop-outs because they simply cannot endure yet another day of abuse. 

  The psychological stress and impact of being bullied is devastating. Especially in a time when the adolescent  brain is undergoing critical psychological and neurological development. And  that person is beginning to define a concept of self and their role in society. 

  Because victims of severe bullying lose out on forming meaningful, and purposeful relationships - they become emotionally stunted in their development as adults. Often they are prone to developing crippling mental health issues like social anxiety, chronic depression, and even post traumatic Stress Disorder. 

  I know because this is my story. My experiences of being bullied had led me to 5 suicide attempts after dropping out of high school, and a string of dysfunctional relationships because of my low self-esteem. Now I live on disability for chronic depression, social anxiety, and panic attacks. 

  My story illustrates the lifelong damage that can result from being bullied, and just how destructive that damage is. 

  However,  I can also speak on the strengths that I found in my adversities. Strengths that led me to become a" Guinness World Record" holder as well as a" Ripley's Believe It or Not" record holder, among other notable achievements like being in a nationwide article, and being published in 2 books. 

  I also found purpose in being an advocate for mental health issues, and anti-bullying. 

  I can also speak on what I think needs to be done to help resolve the bullying issue. 

  I think schools should be held accountable for implementing, and maintaining a strict no bullying atmosphere. There is an answer to the bullying problem, but it requires a network of school authorities sharing their strategies and successes to the bullying problem and implementing an anti-bullying curriculum.

  A curriculum that teaches that content of character and moral aptitude are just as critical as academic success.  

  There needs to be discussion among school trustees, principles, teachers, and in the classroom addressing the bullying issue. Discussions also need to take place when conflict occurs, discussions that include the bullied, the bully, and the bystander.  

  Every issue starts with awareness, then debate.  And eventually collaborative efforts to resolve the issue. Evil happens when good people do nothing. We need to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

  It is my dream to present a speech on the Ellen DeGeneres show detailing everything I have spoken about. Because I want that one moment in my life where I can use what I have learned and experienced, to positively affect as many lives as possible. 

  I have written blogs, and made YouTube videos on the subject -with little attention. I have even shared my material with every school, school principle, and school trustee in my city with little effect. I have even approached schools with speeches I have written but was declined. Some schools simply told me they didn't have a bullying problem even though I knew otherwise. Others simply did not offer to work with me to create a mutually beneficial speech. 

  I believe I went through this life experience for a reason. It is my experience ,as a victim of bullying, that qualifies me to speak on the subject. My asset is my willingness to speak about my pains, and struggle. And my story provides its own new and unique insights to the bullying issue. 

  I want the satisfaction and sense of purpose that comes with knowing I did something that benefited the lives of others on a larger scale. 

  The opportunity to make a difference in the lives of so many people is one thing that would fulfill my attempt of self-reward. I would feel great if I could help others.

2016-03-31

Dear Ellen DeGeneres, I Have A Dream





Hello Ellen,

  My name is Darryl Learie, and I have a simple dream.  My dream is to present an anti-bullying speech on your show. I was severely bullied throughout high school, and consequently suffered the damaging psychological effects of being bullied long into my adult years. 

   Now I live on disability for depression, anxiety, and panic attacks (bullying had certainly played a rather large role in the development of my pathology). 

  Despite my life journey being paved with fear, self-doubt, confusion, and judgment (all those things which accompany mental illness) there remains a potential that sparks within me. That potential has led me to become: a Guinness World Record Holder, a" Ripley's Believe It or Not" record holder, and published in 2 books. 

  However, I have yearned for years for that moment to make a meaningful impact upon a part of this world. I want to have a stage with ears willing to listen to those thoughts, and concerns which burden my heart. For I believe I went through this life experience for a reason.

  And my story is just one of many shared on social media sites like YouTube and Blogger. But all I can offer is my own heartfelt sincerity, openness, and willingness to share my story. I believe I can present a speech which can inspire, educate, and promote more compassion among us all. 

   If I get this opportunity to speak to your audience, I would make the time available most meaningful and purposeful to this cause.

darryl.learie@yahoo.com 

Work I have already done





 
('standing up for mental illness' blog in a YouTube video)